Almost Famous (2000, Cameron Crowe) A high-school boy (Patrick Fugit) is given the chance to write a story for Rolling Stone Magazine about an up-and-coming rock band as he accompanies it on their concert tour. I just kept coming back to this one over and over again as I was making this list. Solid storytelling, great acting, and a compelling (mostly) true tale about a young man’s quest to be cool and learning that sometimes not being cool is the coolest thing of all. Philip Seymour Hoffman makes a terrific turn as Lester Bangs and Jason Lee gives what will probably be the best performance of his life in a non-Chipmunk related film. Oscar for Best Original Screenplay, nominated for 2 Best Supporting Actress (Kate Hudson & Frances McDormand) and Best Editing.

Casino Royale (2006, Martin Campbell) In his first mission, James Bond (Daniel Craig) must stop Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen), a banker to the world’s terrorist organizations, from winning a high-stakes poker tournament at Casino Royale in Montenegro. There are Bond films and then there are Bond films. Casino Royale is the latter. Series reboots have never looked so good. Daniel Craig might not be the best James Bond but he is probably the best actor to play the role so far. With Bond XXIII (maybe called The Hildebrand Rarity, maybe not) delayed indefinately, films like this sustain me in my darkest hours. Fun fact: Most faithful Bond novel adaptation since From Russia With Love (in the book its Bacarat not Poker) followed by Quantum of Solace which only took the Fleming’s title and left the rest to die in a ditch.

Hot Fuzz (2007, Edgar Wright) Jealous colleagues conspire to get a top London cop (Simon Pegg) transferred to a small town and paired with a witless new partner (Nick Frost).  Hard to choose between this and Shaun of the Dead but choices must be made and this film is better. It’s funnier, it’s cleverer, and it just totally rocks the Kasbah. Best film of 2007 and that is saying something. Both Simon Pegg and Nick Frost give excellent performances surrounded by a veritable who’s who of British character actors. Look out for Cate Blanchet & Peter Jackson in the early London scenes.

The Incredibles (2004, Brad Bird) A family of undercover superheroes, while trying to live the quiet suburban life, are forced into action to save the world.  Pixar has only missed once (Cars, and that’s more of a fowl-tip than a strike), WALL-E is a better film, Up is better animation achievement, but The Incredibles has that indescribable something that makes it a cut above. The genius of Brad Bird doesn’t hurt.  Oscar for Best Animated Feature and Best Sound Editing, nominated for Best Original Screenplay and Best Sound Mixing.

The Lord of the Rings (2001-03, Peter Jackson) 4 Hobbits, 2 warriors, a dwarf, and an elf embark on a journey to destroy the One Ring and end Sauron’s reign over Middle Earth. Can’t choose from amoung the three films so I’m not going to.  Say what you will about The Return of the King’s ending(s) or that The Two Towers isn’t even really a full movie, this is a remarkable cinematic achievement. And if you ever have 12 hours, you should watch all three extended cuts back-to-back-to-back. I did once. Once. The trilogy won 17 Oscars including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, 2 for Cinematography, and 3 for Visual Effects; nominated for 13 more.

Memento (2001, Christopher Nolan) A man suffering from short-term memory loss (Guy Pierce) uses notes and tattoos to hunt for the man who killed his wife. Say what you will about Chirstopher Nolan being an insufferable, pompous ass, he makes goddam good films. Memento makes the list over The Prestige, Batman Begins, and The Dark Knight (and Insomnia for obvious reasons) because of its unconventional and well-thoughtout storytelling device. Excellent acting combine with excellent screenplay and direction and create a film that is . . . well, excellent. Oscar nominations for Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Editing.

A Serious Man (2009, Joel Coen & Ethan Coen) Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg), a Midwestern professor, watches his life unravel through multiple sudden incidents. Originally this slot was occupied by No Country for Old Men. But after discussing both films with a mustachoed gent over a cup of coffee, I came to realize that this smaller work is the superior film. A Serious Man is that rare kind of picture that very few filmmakers ever get to make. It’s dark and funny and devistating and simple and plotless and brilliant. It is a unique artistic expression from two of the greatest filmmakers ever. There are pieces of Miller’s Crossing, Barton Fink, Raising Arizona, Fargo, and The Big Lebowski here to be sure; but what makes it surpass so many other films of the last decade is its surprising moments of self-realisation. Without warning, A Serious Man will chill you to the core. One leaves the theatre having had their thought process shifted. Brilliance.  Oscar nominations for Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay.

Primer (2004, Shane Carruth) Four friends/fledgling entrepreneurs, knowing that there’s something bigger and more innovative than the different error-checking devices they’ve built, wrestle over their new invention. FULL DISCLOSURE: I am a sucker for any movie about time travel. But Primer is much, much more. Made for less money that half-an-hour of shooting on any movie Michael Bay has read, Primer quitely and quickly gets inside your mind and then screws with it. I dare you to only watch it once. Whole websites have been built mapping out the timelines of the various characters. And yet, these details don’t bother you until well after you’ve finished watching it. It’s impossible to shake. It is independent cinema at it’s very best.

The Station Agent (2003, Thomas McCarthy) When his only friend dies, a man (Peter Dinklage) moves to rural New Jersey to live a life of solitude, only to meet a chatty hot dog vendor (Bobby Cannavale) and a woman dealing with her own personal loss (Patricia Clarkson). With this film and The Visitor, Tom McCarthy is quickly establishing himself as one of the best character-driven writer/directors out there. His characters are fully-drawn, ordinary misfits doing the best they can. The Station Agent finds humor and sadness among a group of three “loosers” and warms your heart as it does so. Dinklage gives the performance of his career and should’ve at least been nominated for an Oscar. Brilliant little film.

Strong Language (2000, Simon Rumley) While a narrator (David Groves) tells the story of a night of terror that changes his life forever, 16 young people chat about their lives in London in the late 90s. With topics ranging from Ecstasy to AIDS to BritPop, racism, punk, hooliganism, and the London Police. You’ve never heard of this movie. I know of only two other people in this country who have ever seen this movie. It’s not on DVD in this country. I don’t know that it ever got a theatrical release. I only saw it by chance in a Widener Law School dorm room on VHS because my friends Zach & Gene and I enjoy quirkly British pop culture. But if it ever comes here in a viewable format, I will shout from the rafters. All people do in this film is talk directly to the camera. It’s funny, compelling, and will break your heart. Simplicity can be brilliant on its own and Strong Language is proof.

Strong Language from Simon Rumley on Vimeo.

There Will Be Blood (2007, Paul Thomas Anderson) A story about family, greed, religion, and oil, centered around a turn-of-the-century prospector (Daniel Day Lewis) in the early days of the business. If Stanley Kubrick ever wanted to make a film about an oil man, it would have looked like this. PT Anderson takes a long time between his films these days and they are certianly worth the weight. Daniel Day Lewis won his second and well-deserved Oscar for H W Plainview. He will scare, amuse, and disappoint you over and over again. Sweeping shots of the Texas countryside combined with a haunting score, terse direction, and a tight script. What more do you want from a film? Oscars for Best Actor (Daniel Day Lewis) and Best Cinematography (Robert Elswit) and nominated for 6 more including Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Adapted Screenplay.

Best Motion Picture of the Year
Will Win: Inglourious Basterds
Should Win: A Serious Man
Should’ve Been Nominated: Away We Go
Going way out on a limb here with my pick. Partially just to shake things up. But there is method in my madness: the Academy changed the voting method this year. Now members rank the films from 1st to 10th and give out 10 points for every 1st place vote, 9 for every 2nd place and so forth. Inglourious Basterds will not be everyone’s first choice but it will be in everyone’s top 5. If the voting had not changed, I would say it’ll be The Hurt Locker.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
Will Win: Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
Should Win: Colin Firth, A Single Man
Should’ve Been Nominated: Michael Stuhlbarg, A Serious Man / Sharlto Copley, District 9
Jeff Bridges definitely deserves to win an Oscar. Not this one necessarily but he’s playing a drunken Country music singer. Gold.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
Will Win: Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Should Win: Carey Mulligan, An Education
Should’ve Been Nominated: Maya Rudolph, Away We Go
Sandra Bullock is currently the most successful female actress in Hollywood. And she’s good in this film. And it’s uplifting. And she’s American. And (hopefully) Carey Mulligan will come up again. And you should all find Carey Mulligan’s Doctor Who episode entitled “Blink”. It’s Earth-shatteringly good science fiction. Seriously, it’s Rod Serling good.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
Will Win: Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Should Win: Christoph Waltz, Inglourious Basterds
Should’ve Been Nominated: Keith Powell, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
A deserved win.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Will Win: Mo’Nique, Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
Should Win: Anna Kendrick, Up in the Air
Should’ve Been Nominated: Samantha Morton, The Messenger
Mo’Nique is great in the most depressing motion picture based on the novel Push by Sapphire. If only Anna Kendrick had been based on the novel Push by Sapphire. Then maybe she’d have a fighting chance. Seriously, I’ve applied to be based on the novel Push by Sapphire just for the perks.

Best Achievement in Directing
Will Win: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Should Win: Kathryn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker
Should’ve Been Nominated: Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, A Serious Man
She won the DGA Award, the BAFTA, & the Critic’s Choice. She’s gonna win. It’s a great film. And check out her earlier masterpiece Point Break. 100% pure adrenaline.

Best Writing, Screenplay Written Directly for the Screen
Will Win: The Hurt Locker, Mark Boal
Should Win: A Serious Man, Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
Should’ve Been Nominated: Away We Go, Dave Eggers & Vendela Vida

Best Writing, Screenplay Based on Material Previously Produced or Published
Will Win: Up in the Air, Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner
Should Win: District 9, Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell
Should’ve Been Nominated: The Informant!, Scott Z Burns

Best Achievement in Cinematography
Will Win: The Hurt Locker, Barry Ackroyd
Should Win: Inglourious Basterds, Robert Richardson
Should’ve Been Nominated: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, Nicola Pecorini
But watch out for The White Ribbon for the steal here.

Best Achievement in Editing
Will Win: The Hurt Locker, Bob Murawski & Chris Innis
Should Win: The Hurt Locker

Best Achievement in Art Direction
Will Win: Avatar
Should Win: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Should’ve Been Nominated: The Hurt Locker / A Serious Man

Best Achievement in Costume Design
Will Win: The Young Victoria
Should Win: The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

Best Achievement in Makeup
Will Win: The Young Victoria

Best Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures, Original Score
Will Win: Up, Michael Giacchino
Should Win: Up

Best Achievement in Music Written, Motion Pictures, Original Song
Will Win: Crazy Heart, “The Weary Kind”, T-Bone Burnett, Ryan Bingham

Best Achievement in Sound
Will Win: The Hurt Locker

Best Achievement in Sound Editing
Will Win: Avatar

Best Achievement in Visual Effects
Will Win: Avatar
Should Win: District 9
This isn’t Star Wars vs The Matrix, quantity will win over quality.

Best Animated Feature Film of the Year
Will Win: Up
Should Win: Up

Best Foreign Language Film of the Year
Will Win: The White Ribbon (Germany)
The only one of the five nominated for other awards.

Best Documentary, Features
Will Win: The Cove
It’s won every Documentary award so far this year.

Best Documentary, Short Subjects
Will Win: China’s Unnatural Disaster: The Tears of Sichuan Province
Title alone here.

Best Short Film, Animated
Will Win: A Matter of Loaf and Death
Wallace & Gromit!

Best Short Film, Live Action
Will Win: Kavi
Indian boy tries to escape oppression. Winner!

Good night, everybody.

Personally, I am a fan of the Oscars upping the Best Picture nominees to 10. They did it in the 30s & 40s and it will probably increase viewership of the show itself so, whatever. The only unfortunate bit is this was the wrong year in which to do it. Now, the Academy had no way of anticipating that last year when they made this announcement but the 10 films nominated show the strain this type of behavior can elicist. The Blind Side? Really? . . . Really? But it does create an official Academy Top 10 list. And so, as not to be left out, here are my Top 10 movies of the year in alphabetical order.

TOP 10 FILMS OF 2009

Anvil! The Story of Anvil (Sacha Gervasi) Documentary about the Canadian heavy metal band Anvil. Now in their fifties they were once hailed as the “demi-gods of Canadian metal,” influenced a musical generation that includes Metallica, Slayer, and Anthrax, despite never hitting the big time. Following a calamitous European tour they set off to record their 13th album in one last attempt to fulfill their boyhood dreams. You probably didn’t see Anvil! The Story of Anvil but you should whether you like heavy metal or not. This isn’t a movie about music, it’s about musicians. Musicians sacrificing all to perform the music they love. It is funny, sad, & ultimately heartwarming. More uplifting than the false notes of The Blind Side and funnier than Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. Great film. FULL DISCLOSURE: When I saw the film here in L.A. it was immediately followed by a live performance by the band. So my appreciation may be slightly skewed. But, objectively, it is a great movie.

Away We Go (Sam Mendes) A couple (John Krasinski & Maya Rudolph) expecting their first child travel around the U.S. in order to find a perfect place to start their family. I was so confident this would be a breakout movie this year. And I’m still amazed very few people are talking about it. An all-star cast including Jeff Daniels, Allison Janney, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jim Gaffigan, Catherine O’Hara, and this kid: . The script rings true and manages to get sentimental without making you want to vomit in your mouth. Grab it on Netflix. FULL DISCLOSURE: Granted, a story about a couple awaiting their first child was more than a little bit on the nose for me.

District 9 (Neill Blomkamp) An extraterrestrial race crashes to Earth when their spaceship breaks down and are forced to live in slum-like conditions. Certainly the most original film of the year, District 9 has something for everyone. Blomkamp is a master of the slow-burn. Allegory is rough at the best of times but film never feels preachy. Quite the opposite, it presents its characters in very clear and matter-of-fact way. You don’t have to like these people/aliens, but you do. You find yourself caring and rooting for these aliens in a way you wouldn’t think possible. They are so clearly non-human but the visual effects aid the story and suck you into this world. Brilliant.

An Education (Lone Scherfig) Coming-of-age story about a teenage girl (Carey Mulligan) in 1960s suburban London, and how her life changes with the arrival of a playboy (Peter Sarsgaard) nearly twice her age. You know it all has to go wrong. This teenager can’t end up with the older man. And he can’t be as charming as he seems. But what makes this film great is Nick Hornby’s script and what Carey Mulligan is able to do with it. Mulligan never asks for your approval or affection, she presents a girl slightly ahead of her time who wants the whole world. You don’t watch for the plot, you watch for the characters. And they are wonderful to watch.

The Hurt Locker (Kathryn Bigelow) Playing a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse in the chaos of war, an elite Army bomb squad unit must come together in a city where everyone is a potential enemy and every object could be a deadly bomb. It’s not the MOST depressing movie this year, however it IS the most depressing movie not based on the novel Push by Sapphire. Well, maybe depressing is the wrong word but you won’t walk out of The Hurt Locker tapping your toes. In fact, when my friend Keith & I saw it, we had to immediately get a Jamba Juice to level out. Jeremy Renner earns his Oscar nomination with both barrels. Again, he doesn’t seek your love or affection, he creates a fully rounded man, warts & all. Not for the squeamish but a must-see for all others.

Inglourious Basterds (Quentin Tarantino) In Nazi-occupied France during World War II, a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as “The Basterds” are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by scalping and brutally killing Nazis. Historical inaccuracy, graphic violence, Quentin Tarintino. If any of the above make you see red, then stay clear. But if you can let the first two by, the third will bring you one of the most glorious times at the movies you will ever have. Inglourious Basterds was the only film I saw this year I would’ve readily bought another ticket to immediately after seeing it the first time. Tarantino pulls off his vision of World War II because he commits to it completely. There are no half-measures, nothing is only somewhat thought through, this is a complete world. And it is completely wonderful.

Mystery Team (Dan Eckman) A group of former Encyclopedia Brown-style child-detectives struggle to solve an adult mystery. You definitely didn’t see this movie. It played at Sundance then in very limited release in New York and some other cities. I was lucky enough to catch it at a small screening in Beverly Hills (a screening at which so many people wanted in, the theatre added a second screening immediately after the first). The comedy team Derrick consists of performers Dominic Dierkes, D C Pierson, & Donald Glover, director Dan Eckman, and producer Meggie McFadden (all five write). They have been a YouTube sensation for a few years now and their first foray into major motion pictures isn’t without its flaws. But it is uproariously funny and presents a unique voice and point-of-view. And with so few good comedy films coming out each year, you should hunt this one down.

A Serious Man (Joel Coen & Ethan Coen) A black comedy centered on Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg), a Midwestern professor in the mid-60s who watches his life unravel when his wife prepares to leave him because his inept brother won’t move out of the house. Roger Ebert called A Serious Man “the kind of movie you get to make after you win an Oscar.” I call it the best movie of the year. Dealing with issues of control, action, and responsibility this film is simultaneous hilarious and startling. It certainly is a very personal expression from the Brothers Coen and for that reason some will find it dense and/or inaccessible. But if you want to see what genius can do when given free reign, you will not be disappointed. This film haunts me still. Look at the parking lot, Larry.

Up (Pete Docter) By tying thousands of balloon to his home, 78-year-old Carl Fredricksen (Ed Asner) sets out to fulfill his lifelong dream to see the wilds of South America. Right after lifting off, however, he learns he isn’t alone on his journey, since Russell (Jordan Nagai), a wilderness explorer 70 years his junior, has inadvertently become a stowaway on the trip. Some may this Up is depressing or too heavy for kids. I say, don’t under-estimate your progeny. Yes, it starts sad. And, yes, it deals with weighty issues. But you will seldom find more honesty and less condescension in a “children’s” film. Pixar out does itself yet again in both animation and writing.

Up in the Air (Jason Reitman) With a job that has him traveling around the country firing people, Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) leads an empty life out of a suitcase, until his company does the unexpected: ground him. One of the things I like the most about Jason Reitman as a director is he never condescends to his audience. This story is simple, the brilliance comes in the acting and how Reitman handles his actors. Clooney just gets better and better with each film he’s in and Up in the Air is no exception. But the great find of this movie is Anna Kendrick. I had to be reminded she was in the sophomoric Camp (2003) and she’s come a long way from that film (in which, I should say, she is a standout). There is little to say here because the film says it al. Just see it already.

Other very good movies I saw this year and would recommend are: Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, The Informant!, Paranormal Activity, Sherlock Holmes, A Single Man, Star Trek, Taken and Zombieland (Uncle John Movie of the Year).

As for the films not mentioned above nominated for Best Picture . . .

Avatar (James Cameron) A paraplegic marine (Sam Worthington) dispatched to the moon Pandora on a unique mission becomes torn between following his orders and protecting the world he feels is his home. It’s FernGully: The Last Rainforest meets Pocahontas meets Dances with Wolves meets Titanic meets The Smurfs. The story would fit on a matchbook but the visuals are hard to argue with. The acting is hackey at best but the visuals are hard to argue with. It’s very long but the visuals are hard to argue with. The score is a Titanic rehash but the visuals are hard to argue with. And the visuals are hard to argue with.

The Blind Side (John Lee Hancock) Have you seen the trailer? Okay, good, we’ll move on.

Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (Lee Daniels) Loneliness, despair, guilt, rape/incest, poverty all wrapped in some very good acting. And director Lee Daniels does keep it from being overwhelming. But it just is hard to watch. PREDICTION: In two years, look for the Broadway show Precious!: The Musical: Based on the Film Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire. Music & lyrics by Stephen Schwartz.

As usual, I saw some great short films this year (defined by me as any film under 60 minutes in length). Most of which from ESPN’s on-going documentary series 30 for 30. Most notably Barry Levinson’s film about the Baltimore Colts marching band The Band That Wouldn’t Die. Fascinating story even if you’re not into football. I would also recommend the sci-fi short Panic Attack! directed by Fede Alvarez made for $300, the short went viral on YouTube and garnered Alvarez a $30 million deal to make it into a feature.

Also, Disney released a Christmas special called Prep & Landing about Santa’s recon team of elves. It used to be available on Hulu but it seems to’ve been taken down. It was a real treat. You can learn more about it here .

Episode 1: “What Can A/V Do for You?”

Episode 2: “How to Use an AMX Classroom”

Episode 3: “How to Use a Crestron Classroom”

Bloopers

Although, I have not seen The NeverEnding Story since I was twelve or so and remembered it as a soporific tale with a giant fluffy and not so cool dragon; I find that the concept of the nothing as a deeply meaningful enemy. Whereas most 1980’s children’s fantasy movies rely upon large nightmare inducing anamatronics or puppets, The NeverEnding Story provides a more philosophically complex antagonist: The Nothing.

The physical manifestation of impending nothing provides an illustration of the Christian Platonist’s belief that the greatest evil is the absence of being or “nothingness.” When The Nothing is being generated from the ill Empress, this illustration is enhanced with metaphysical  implications. It is the sickness of man which detracts from the greatest good (being) and thereby promotes or even creates evil. Such analysis is the underpinnings of the answer to the popular theological question: “How does God allow evil to exist?” The NeverEnding Story would support the Neo-Platonist/Augustinian traditions’ response that it is man who creates evil in the world bringing about nothingness where God is being.

While these deeply metaphysical questions may not have been asked in the two sequels or the animated series, The Neverending Story the Adventures of Bastian Balthazar Bux, or even the video game of the same title; that does not reduce The NeverEnding Story’s attempt at introducing children to Neo-Plantonism nor does it tarnish the philosophical power of the nothing.

The End

For those who do not know, Arctic Monkeys exploded onto the UK music scene in 2005 and became the biggest act in England in forty years. Their debut album Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I Am Not is a masterwork and their 2007 follow-up Favourite Worst Nightmare showed growth that most bands take years to acquire. This year they released their third album Humbug. Humbug is a bold departure from their earlier work. While still the hard indie rockin’ music they’re known for, the songs have an edge and heaviness not present in their earlier work.

Arctic Monkeys’ lead guitarist, vocalist, & songwriter Alex Turner has a lyrical complexity unseen in popular music today. His voice is one of the two things this band has over all others on the scene today (the other is drummer Matt Helders). But it’s Turner’s lyrics that set the songs apart.

Their Sheffield accents and very-UK references may make some of their songs hard to follow for US listeners and may require Wikipedia to get some of the names, places, and adjectives. (i.e., the word “something” is pronounced “summat” and rhymed accordingly).

“Cornerstone” is nestled in the back-half of Humbug. After the melancholy of “Crying Lightning” and “Fire and Thud,” it at first seems like a more upbeat number. But it quickly becomes apparent this may be the saddest song on the album. The protagonist journeys through various pubs (that’s what he’s naming at the top of each verse, not parts of a ship) looking for a girl he’s lost. In each he sees someone who looks like said lost girl and asks each if he can call them by said girl’s name. All turn him down in succession until he runs into the girl’s sister who consents.

There’s a lot to love here but I want you hear the song before I speak any further. So give it a listen.

At first you make think this is a creepy song about a dumped boyfriend simply obsessed with his ex. I would agree except for two facts. (1) The first girl is described as “close enough to be your ghost” and (2) the sister says “I’m really not supposed to”.

While you may argue some kind of sisterly love triangle, I think we’re dealing with deeper loss. This is a song about a man who’s girlfriend has died and he’s looking for some unhealthy comfort. The kind of comfort that he could only get from someone in as much pain as himself.

The songs ends right when he gets what he wants. No coda, no chorus repeat, his search is over. And the sad marches on.

Amazing.

p.s.
Click here to learn about Letraset.

Here’s an acoustic version which I love.

Arctic Monkeys official site.

It is indeed true that it’s hard to be an actor. And there are those who would ignore those challenges and those who would loft them to an irrational level. The absurdity of being a professional actor has been made fun of a thousand times. But never with such respect.

Is it possible to mock someone respectfully? Yes. Yes it is.

“Skipper Dan” is possibly the greatest actor in the world (on paper). But he finds LA impossible to navigate career-wise and the only “acting” work he can find is as a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise attraction at Disneyland. This is a familiar story to those of us who live out here but it needs to be told to the rest of the world. It is simultaneously a warning.

It’s a hard knock business. And even if your the best at every stop up the ladder you still might not get your ultimate dream. That is rough but that is what it is. And it should be told. And Alfred Yankovic has done it.

And it’s damn funny.

“Skipper Dan” is from Weird Al’s latest album Internet Leaks which just received a Grammy nomination for Best Comedy Album.

“Weird Al” Yankovic official site.

Known in Los Angeles for songs such as “Sex with Ducks” and “Me and You and Steve” Garfunkel & Oates have developed what could generously be described as a book club’s worth of followers that gather from time-to-time at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre. They then go straight the Scientology Celebrity Center across the street where they reëdit Losin’ It for the rest of eternity.

Their “show” must be experienced to be believed. You can’t simply watch the 8th season of Scrubs or The Last House on the Left. You must go, sit, watch, listen, imagine, drink more, and find the meaning for yourself. From the depths of your soul the song “Weed Card” will call to you. You will hear “Pregnant Women are Smug” and divorce your wife. You will listen to their “Worst Song Medley” and kill four of the five members of Deep Blue Something with your mind-grapes.

But above all of these is their first foray into the world of what Dr William H Cosby Jr calls “hippity-hoppity” music: “This Party Took a Turn for the Douche”.

Chronicling a night historians are now calling “The Night,” Riki & Kate don their G&O masks and take us deep into the world of the Los Angeles party scene. But this is not the scene that it once was. Gone are the day’s punch and home by midnight, now the scene is populated with those that would see it destroyed. They are the douche. And now thanks to the brave Kate Micucci and the very, very tall Riki Lindhome you know how to spot them.

Garfunkel & Oates official site.

Taller Children

I had trouble picking one song from the album for this list but I forced myself to not repeat any artists in my Top 5 and so had to listen to this album over and over again. And let me tell you, I hated ever minute of that.

What makes Taller Children a solid debut is its variety. Elizabeth & The Catapult certainly have a distinct sound they’re working on but they shake up the tracks with different beats and layers to give each song its own identity.

A lot of indie artists seem to get flummoxed by the studio. I can’t tell you how many bands I have seen live and excitedly bought their CD only to discover their live presence has been stifled by slick production values. Whilst I have never seen Elizabeth & The Catapult, Taller Children has a quality to it possessed by the best albums. A quality I can only describe as “balls”. Two other favorite tracks are “Momma’s Boy” and “Hit the Wall” but I landed on “Complimentary Me” for its raw emotional honesty.

Ziman’s vocals have a slight break in them that you hear with some frequency on the radio today. But unlike other artists, Ziman has total control over her voice and can take it wherever she wants. The song’s protagonist wonders why she uses objects in her life (both real and imaginary) as avatars for herself since this practice has left her completely alone. But the heartbreak of the song comes when we realize that she cannot (or will not) change her station and therefore is doomed to repeat herself.

Put a catchy beat behind that, arrange it just so, and you’ve got yourself a song.

Elizabeth & The Catapult official site.

Unless you troll YouTube regularly, I’ll wager you’ve never heard of Israeli musician / composer / animator Kutiman (born Ophir Kutiel). But that’s as may be. For his 2009 project ThruYOU he combine the best techniques of a video editor with an uncanny ear as he mixes instructional music videos from YouTube together to make cohesive songs. Seven songs altogether in a project that took him a little over two months. Kutiman himself puts it thus: “At first I took some drummers - before I had the idea about ThruYou I took some drummers from YouTube and I played on top of them - just for fun, you know. And then one day, just before I plugged my guitar to play on top of the drummer from YouTube, I thought to myself, you know - maybe I can find a bass and guitar and other players on YouTube to play with this drummer.”

Now, I know what you’re saying to yourself: “Patrick, how can that be anything more than a fun little experiment?” Well, it can, so shut up.

These are REAL songs. Not just some electronic mixed noise but real, honest-to-God, listenable songs. And the leader of this pack is the first track of the album “The Mother of All Funk Chords”. Combining the efforts from at least a dozen different videos, Kutiman has created a funk song worthy of George Clinton. It’s infectious beat and wonderful riffs will make you listen over and over.

Due to copyright restrictions that would be nearly impossible to entangle, ThruYOU will never be released on any other format than Kutiman’s own site. But that is not a shame, that is a blessing. This is a project of pure joy created for the love of music and given to the world for free. Let’s not ruin that shall we?

ThruYOU | Kutiman mixes YouTube official site (I also recommend track 4 “Babylon Band”)

SOURCES:
“Kutiman” - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kutiman, as of December 7, 2009
“Kutiman in Wroclove, p.2″ - an interview for radiowroclove.com, June 19, 2009